Ultra blog 5000

My wife Jill and I are going to celebrate 4 weeks on Friday. Let me tell you, if you haven't heard from every comedian in the world, men are different then women. They ask all sorts of things of you, oh, and guess what else, they don't always mean it. Can you translate this apparent woman code? Cos I sure can't. A brief glance into a recent conversation over gchat with my new wife:

Jill: not yet
hopefully soon
1:52 PM I'm actually going to leave at 3. wahoo.
1:53 PM i'm going to go running
i have to
i'm getting so fat
if i don't you have to yell at me
me: good for you
Jill: i need you to hold me accountable to running FIVE days a week
will you do that
me: I will not
but I will hold you accountable to 2, maybe 3 days
Jill: no
me: I will encourage you to run 5
Jill: five
i mean it
i have to do it
1:54 PM me: but I will not yell at you unless you go a week w/o running at least 3
and I'm not going to passively yell at you
I'll belittle you, call you fat, etc.
I will scream at you
Jill: okay
lol
1:55 PM me: and tell you that "I didn't marry an obese woman, and I expect you to go run off the fat!"
"FATTY!!!!"
maybe that's a bit much
1:56 PM Jill: that's a bit much
if you yelled that to me i wold probably cry
would*
brb
1:58 PM me: oh, okay
1:59 PM well then can you specifically detail the type of yelling I'm supposed to do?
Geez.